[Yoosei]

well I have some poems already that I would like to show. for now I will show you one only.. I will show the others soon. :P

*****************

Whenever you will shed a tear
Remember that I will be near
To wipe the tear from your face
And hold you close on an embrace.

I want to see a smile crossing your lips
I don�t want anymore sorrow nor tricks.
Let your hurting memories on the past
And don�t worry as they won�t last

Don�t forget I will be by your side
To protect you when problems arise
I want you to forget your darkest wish
As I know you didn�t even want to exist

I will always be close to your heart
Even when we will be miles apart
I have to admit I never felt so alive
Since a really long time

[Prak]

Don't try to write poetry in English when your English is poor.

[Yoosei]

then why don't you point out my mistakes instead of saying my English is poor?

[Prak]

Because your grammar is fundamentally flawed. Focus on perfecting the language before trying to do anything artistic with it.

[Yoosei]

I will say again... why don't you point the errors I made then? if you don't point them out is because neither you see any errors there and you are just messing with me.

[Angel_sweetie]

I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

[Mr.Hazard]

Now that's what I call a fucking poem, despite it was nothing more than mediocre.

If poems don't have to rhyme, everything might as well be a fucking poem like this sentence. :P

[Zulu]

Okay, I didn't quite like the poem, and let me tell you why:

First of all, the sentimental bullshit has been done to death, and it's simply not a credible subject to write about anymore; second, it doesn't have any punctuation or commas; third, it's structure is flawed and needs to be corrected.

There's this common belief that poems have to rhyme, which is simply not true. Poems are nothing more than thoughts and feelings.

[Mr.Hazard]

I just happen to like those that rhyme. A preference.

[Prak]

I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

That's because you're a stupid cunt.

[Mr.Hazard]

I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

A comma and full-stop deficiency syndromes, how could you fail to detect that?

Also, capital letters on second rows on each paragraph was not neccesary.

[psyopslayerx]

This is nice and also interesting, Nice touch on the rhyme scheme :)
The fact that the poetry does not need to rhyme is true which poetry is simply you :) Nice poem though short and sweet and right on the point

[TK]

I don't see any mistakes. I think its great ^__^

this is a very bad sign for anybody's poetry