[dyne trance]

I like to write poetry! Does anyone else?
Here is my favorite that I've written:

My True Love
I wish to stroke your hair so fine, and kiss your lips so red. And though good friends we are so much, my happiness you seem to dread.
My love to you is pure and true, I hope it lasts forever. I dream of the ring I'll choose some day, I hope you don't say "never".
Somehow you can resist my love, with mystical powers you wield. I try to do what's in my heart, and then you bring out your shield.
Kissing scenarios play in my mind, as I stare at the stars above. I close my eyes and picture you; you are the one I truly love.

How was that? Tell me if you liked it!

[Bus Driver]

Your poem is okay, could be deeper and more passionate. It seems to barely touch the surface of the one you describe in the poem.

[Ross]

nevermind....

[rezo]

I like to write poetry! Does anyone else?

I do! I do! Here is my favorite that I've written:


Looking over the battlefield
Bodies scattered everywhere
He is a great warrior
going to do things great

Some of his friends were killed
He gets ready to see his friends
Starts moving towards their bodies
He has the will of a warrior

Animals play around the corpses
some of them eat the corpses
He picks at his teeth
The people did not approve of the war

He kneels at the body of his friend
He looks at his friend
He's gonna do something to his friend
A man full of mighty
The world's greatest hero is he

[hellfire_1234]

I LOVE to :D if your interested heres a couple... (couldnt decide on just one to post :P

WHEN NOTHING'S ON T.V.
We sit
and we watch
like zombies
to the lil box
(or not so lil
in some cases)
that emits a few colours
emits a few sounds
and what is
the image?

And yet
when disaster strikes
and nothings on
the TV
we panic
and struggle
to pass a half hour

We deny that we owe
everything
to the still lil box
(or not so lil
in some cases)
An addiction to the tele
and we all share
a helplessness
when nothings on TV
_____________
THE TREE
A foul smelling tree
With yellow fungal growths
and black decolouring

Holes punched in it
wartorn - the battle of birds and prey
as violent as battle
The fight for your life
against an impossible foe

In the bitterness
Left alone - unaided

[mrmonkeyman]

Please append the title to "click here for mediocrity."
In both of your cases, it's the same crap that every person regurgitates, used in the same way a lot of people do, and it doesn't feel inspired at all.

[dyne trance]

Which two?
Me and hellfire_1234?
Me and rezo?
or
rezo and hellfire_1234?

[hellfire_1234]

i dont think he likes me, so im sure itll be me and someone...

[mrmonkeyman]

Originally posted by eikofan69

Me and hellfire_1234.

[hellfire_1234]

told ya so

[ice!~neko]

Way to go constructive critism!

The first poem does seem a little basic and single layered, it would probably help if you went into detail about your feelings, and if there was any history.

[November]

I write poems every now and then

I did this one a while back...yeah i know it's not the normal style but i never liked being the normal.


The carousel goes round and round // Spinning like the bottle top // Watching all the smiling faces // Children laugh with such joy // Nothing could be any better // A systematic trans of rapture // Overtake the most deprived souls // Eveything's fine on the carousel // No worries of the outside world // Everything's right on the carousel // Nobody gets off without a smile // Like ripples in a small pond the children release their spirit // Soaring to the heavens above // Joining the angels light chorus // Cheer rise from the grounds // Shaking the earth a 1000x's over // A systematic trans of rapture // Overtake the most deprived souls // Eveything's fine on the carousel // No worries of the outside world // Everything's right on the carousel // Nobody gets off without a smile // The ride's over for now // Come again next time, bye for now // The rides's over just for today // Come back again to relive the day // No one ever leave the carousel // With no intentions of coming back // It's addiction that we all have // Sit back, relax & enjoy the ride // Taking hit after hit of the ecstasy // The carousel goes round and round // Spinning like the bottle top // Never stopping to let no one off // It soon becomes your personal hell // It's the perfect natural high // Such a sweet and innocent ride // How did you let it take you over // You've become so depended on it // Now there's no way of getting off // A systematic trans of rapture // Overtake the most deprived souls // Eveything's fine on the carousel // No worries of the outside world // Everything's right on the carousel// Nobody gets off without a smile // You're paranoid of what lies behind // Turning your head at every corner // And the ecstasy has control of you // And you thought it end at the ride // Now your down on life's knees // Begging for a free ride to get by // You've become its personal slave // Bending to its malicious will // Throwing away all your morals // Shame is not an stimulate anymore // You live your life out its hands // A systematic trans of rapture // Overtake the most deprived souls // Eveything's fine on the carousel // No worries of the outside world // Everything's right on the carousel // Nobody gets off without a smile // The ride's over for now // Come again next time, bye for now // The rides's over just for today // Come back again to relive the day // No one ever leave the carousel // With no intentions of coming back // It's addiction that we all have // Sit back, relax & enjoy the ride // Taking hit after hit of the ecstasy

and this one just had the most meaning...and i know it's not the best because...i've done better


Fainted

so would i lie to you?
about how i feel
about how i'm not disappointed
to ease the feeling inside
without a hesitations
i couldn' bare to see the waters from your eyes
your happiness means more to me than my own
for i wouldn't recognize happiness to begin with
i do not have the right to want of my own will
not anymore, for i gave up that right so long ago
i do these deeds of my own will
and as reverence of the one who commands over me
i am not of human nature, with all it's flaws
selfishness, greed, lust, anger, bitterness
this feelings have been wiped from my heart
along with happiness to keep me from swaying
swaying in my purpose of life...
and this is why, why i would lie to you
to keep your heart light at night
for my feelings are nothing in the grand plan
my feelings for self want that is
for i can time after time given up my wants
to better suit the nature of another
so that they may say that they have felt your light
so that they may be changed for the better
i am nothing but an instrument of your goodness
and i do every deed free of feelings of bondage
i have given myself to your ways freely and of clear mind

[Marceline]

<table><tr><td>
It's snowing
still and
freezing
However
we haven't
had an earthquake
lately

[Krozzt]

Life has no point

I'm a newb Please taunt me!

[Nanaki Claws]

Why the hell I have the feeling that you are not a n00b??? Oh well... here mine:

When the moon will glow,
The path will open,
For that the dreamer,
Will have to face,
One of the strongest monster,
Without help, the glow will fade,
And the dreamer will never again,
See the light of the sun,
And will be the prisonner,
Of the Valley of the Night.

Ok I am not good but, ......nothing nevermind lol.